


gg ez

by sakasamasa



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Banter, Videogames, dont like dont read man, more blatantly indulgent soft ardyn content because i am a fragile human being, slight ot5, this is indulgent garbage im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 08:16:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18545863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakasamasa/pseuds/sakasamasa
Summary: Noctis introduces Ardyn to his favourite videogame. Neither of them handle it well.





	gg ez

“Ardyn,” Noctis sighs, “Don’t engage them. You don’t have any weapons.”

“I do,” Ardyn objects.

“That’s a torch.”

“Well, I can use it to strike my adversaries, can I not?”

“Yes, but-“

“Therefore, it is a weapon.”

Gladio snorts from his spot on the couch, but otherwise he keeps his attention on his novel. He knows better than to get mixed up in this completely new debacle that has come into being between Ardyn and Noctis.

Oh,” Ardyn says, “I’ve been spotted.”

“You have armor,” Noctis reminds the other. “At least put it on before you fight anything.”

The fact that their in-game character is still running around bare-chested and dressed in tattered trousers is a testament to Ardyn’s stubbornness on that front. Just like the last three times, he ignores Noctis’ advice and marches, underdressed and underprotected, unto the enemies. From the speakers comes the screeching of bokoblins, and soon Noctis is wincing at the screen.

“No, no- No! Go for the head! Oh my-,”

“Language. I’ll have no talk of the divine in this home.”

“Well, play the game correctly then!”

Somehow, Ardyn manages to fight off his enemies with a torch and no armour. Noctis calls it a stroke of luck, Ardyn fervently states that it is _pure skill_ and then sends his character into a patch of woods where he gleefully picks up a few mushrooms.

“I’d say I’m faring well enough.”

“You’ve died like, what, eight times now. You’re not even past the first part of the game.”

Gladio looks up at that.

“How? Even Igs wasn’t that bad.”

“He keeps drowning and jumping off of cliffs for no reason.”

Prompto rounds the corner, nibbling at one of the muffins Ignis and Ardyn made earlier that day. He looks at the screen, then at Noctis.

“How’s he at a quarter health already?”

“I don’t know,” Noctis laments.

Ardyn proceeds to wordlessly throw himself off a cliff and delights in watching Noctis throw his hands up and groan miserably.

“Okay, you did that on purpose.”

“Whatever could you possibly mean.”

There’s a splash, and miraculously Ardyn’s character has landed into a pool of water, just barely spared from yet another ‘game over’ screen. Noctis would wager Ardyn didn’t actually know that would happen; he doesn't look at the mini-map anyway.

It’s a minute of aimless wandering later when the music suddenly changes from serene to sinister. A counter-like beeping fills the air, growing more frantic with each passing second.

“What’s happening?” Ardyn asks.

“Get behind the wall,” Noctis leans in as though he’s itching to take the controller from Ardyn’s hands, “You’re going to get lasered- Hurry, man!”

“But where is it coming from?”

“The left! No, don’t go _towards_ it!“

But it’s too late. The flames of an explosion dissipate to reveal the hero Link lying motionless amidst the grasses. The screen goes dark once more. Prompto is laughing, Noctis is crying and Gladio shoots a knowing smile at Ardyn, who smiles right back.

“What did I do to deserve this?” Noctis cries into his hands. Ardyn scoffs in response.

“I recall _you_ were the one so eager to have me try your lauded ‘Legends of Zora’.”

“Zelda. It’s Zelda. It literally says that right there on the loading screen.”

“Then why is the young fellow called ‘Link’? Are they not _his_ legendary exploits that save this ‘Princess _Zelda_ ’ and bring peace to the land of Hyrule by defeating the calamitous entity that resides within the castle?”

“He’s got a point,” Gladio helpfully points out. Noctis glares at him.

“Hey,” Prompto chimes in, “for someone who won’t shut up during cutscenes, you sure know a lot about the lore.”

“Perhaps I am more aware of things than you might think, dear Prompto.”

“Ominous. Noted.”

“Besides,” Ardyn continues, “my qualms with the voice acting are entirely warranted.”

“They aren’t,” Noctis shoots back without missing a beat. “It’s just fine.”

“This again?” Gladio mutters.

“I’m not sticking around for this,” Prompto says and he turns to leave the living room. “You two duke it out; I gotta get to class.”

Thankfully, Noctis sets his meaningless squabble with Ardyn aside and redirects his attention to Prompto.

“Evening classes? Want me to drive you? I gotta go pick up Iggy at the Citadel in a few, anyway.”

“Sure, pick me up afterwards?”

Noctis nods and departs from his perch on the couch, using Ardyn’s shoulder as support to stand. Ardyn looks somewhat affronted, but he refrains from commenting and instead concentrates on hauling a rock over to… somewhere.

“You can turn it off, if you want,” Noctis says, grabbing the Regalia’s keys from the counter.

“No, I’d say I’m having a rather agreeable time with this.”

“Huh. Well, don’t have too much fun. See you guys in a bit.”

“Hmm,” Gladio hums.

“Missing you already.”

Ardyn shoots Noctis and Prompto a smarmy smile and winks. From the hallway he hears an exasperated “Oh my God” before the front door opens and closes with a resounding clack. Though Gladio’s gaze stays firmly affixed to the print, Ardyn can see an amused glint in his eyes. Neither of them address it, the room filling with a peaceful, soundtrack-backed quietude that is only occasionally interrupted by the clatter of swords and the virtual hush of mother nature.

 

-/-

 

It’s a good thirty minutes later when Noctis reenters their living room to stumble upon Ardyn absolutely decimating a Guardian Scout with a rusty broadsword and a pot lid for a shield. With surprising finesse Ardyn manages to dodge every single one of the machine’s attacks and he uses every single opening to his advantage, all while Link is still at a quarter health without protective armour. It doesn’t seem like Ardyn has noticed the other come in yet, and Noctis takes that time to look at the screen with a mouth open in disbelief. Ignis brushes past him without so much as a glance at the whole affair and politely greets everyone in the room. It’s then that Ardyn looks up, pausing his flurrying assault midway to return the greeting.

“Yeah, no way,” Noctis tries.

Ardyn hums inquisitively, but the grin that plays on his lips is telling enough.

“Unpause. Play. Now,” Noctis orders as he once more sits down next to Ardyn on the couch, drawing his feet up to sit cross-legged in his usual manner.

“As His Highness commands.”

“Shoes, Noct,” Ignis reminds the other bluntly. Noctis waves him away as the game unfreezes. He watches intently as the Guardian Scout meets a quick and merciless end at the hands of a nigh useless broadsword and its wielder, brows furrowed in consternation all the while.

“Wh- what. No, that doesn’t make any sense.”

Ardyn doesn’t glance away from the screen as Link collects his reward for passing the combat trial, but there’s a triumphant grin on his face.

“No?”

“Yeah, it doesn’t! How are you this good at combat and so bad at everything else?”

“Perhaps I have a few tricks up my sleeve.”

“Perhaps,” Ignis echoes, not even having taken off his coat, “Ardyn has deliberately performed poorly before for the sole purpose of riling you up.”

Noctis halts his oncoming tirade. His mouth opens, then closes, and a look of pure hatred crosses him. He slowly raises a finger and points it at Ardyn.

“You _bitch_.”

“Come on, Noct,” Gladio says, putting his novel aside, “He did the same thing with Portal. Did it really take you this long to notice?”

Noctis tries defending himself, but every tenant in the apartment knows better. Even Ignis can’t help but laugh a sophisticated little laugh, and he later brings Noctis a muffin as recompense when the prince grows bashful and caves under the skepticism of the other three. The only thing Ignis demands of the other is that he takes off his shoes; his distress was not a valid excuse for dirtied furniture.

 

-/-

 

“Ardyn’s banned from videogames,” Noctis grumbles into the quietude while picking at his muffin.

“And have me miss out on any future opportunities to make you so adorably cross with me?” Ardyn jeers next to him. “Must you be so cruel?”

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll find other ways to make that happen,” Gladio says.

“As he has done many times before,” Ignis adds. “I would suppose Noct himself will find new ways to fall for it as well.”

“I will have you all exiled. Every single one of you.”

“Oh, please,” Ardyn singsongs. He smiles wistfully as he meets the narrowed eyes of a still pouting prince.

“You love us too much.”


End file.
